Week Six in Renewing Our Minds

So much of this study is about the practical. Thus far we’ve discussed how social media keeps us from spending time with God. We’ve discussed how our phones distract us from our values and goals. We’ve discussed how we can shift stress, anxiety, and insecurity.

So it only makes sense, in the state of the world that we find ourselves, that we must address anger.

Even if you don’t regularly feel slighted by others, anger has become a commodity in the world in the past few years. It’s how politicians and influencers get us to act! They talk about how some other group is “bad,” or how they want to take some sort of something away from us, or you can fill in the blank here- all with the goal of you feeling riled up, righteous indignation, and well… angry!

What are some of the common sources of anger these days?

Anger over global events: from entire populations being treated inhumanely, to unjust wars, to climate change, to cartels making entire countries frightening for travelers. 

Anger over finances: whether it’s a struggle to make ends meet because of tariffs or taxes or high prices, or simply feeling unable to get ahead, as well as the state of the national and global economy. It’s all stressful and often feels out of one’s control. 

Anger over politics, often driven by the headlines: in recent years politicians have adopted an “us versus them” mentality and way of presenting their own positions, feeding divisiveness and anger.

Anger over all of the things we see on social media and media that are there to trigger us and get a response: there’s a phrase that says, “if it bleeds, it leads.” By that they mean that if a headline has violence or tragedy or something that incites a dramatic negative emotion, they will lead with it, because that is what drives ratings. 

In other words, when it comes to anger, it’s hard to avoid it unless you live off the grid!

What makes anger stick around and continue to be a problem?

You may be someone who feels that anger isn’t an issue for you, or it’s a rare occurrence, but the truth is, there are many ways that anger can be self-sustaining and self-fulfilling. In other words- sometimes we actually like being angry, as crazy as that may sound!

We often connect over our anger, find our identity and our community based upon who and what makes us angry. Again, going back to the “us versus them” concept, knowing what makes you angry and finding others who feel the same can make you feel united and a part of a group. Inclusion, even over things that make us angry, is a powerful motivator.

Being offended can trigger a dopamine response. We’ve talked about how dopamine is the ‘feel good hormone,’ and while it may seem counterintuitive, feeling a sense of righteous anger- or anger that one perceives to be righteous- can sometimes cause a bit of a rush. 

And finally: sometimes it’s easier to direct our energy and anger outward than deal with our lives. Sad but true, being angry at others over their role in a relationship, or your employer for what you consider to be unfair treatment, or even the lousy driver in front of you… often it’s just easier to pull on negative emotions than do the hard work of staying in your body and dealing with what you need to deal with! 

So what can we do? How can we capture our thoughts and renew our minds?

Now that we have a shared language over what often causes anger and keeps us angry, let’s turn to solutions! 

The spiritual approach- dive into the Word and see where the spirit leads you!

Ephesians 4:26-27 and 31-32 (NIV)

26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 

31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

In essence, Ephesians 4 teaches a balanced approach: acknowledge the feeling of anger but actively choose not to let it fester or turn into destructive sin, focusing instead on putting on the new self in Christ. 

Proverbs 19:11 (and 19:19)

NLT:

Sensible people control their temper;

    they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.

NIV: 

A person’s wisdom yields patience;

    it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.

Proverbs 19 focuses on wisdom, contrasting foolishness with good sense, and highlights anger’s destructive cycle in verses 19:11 and 19:19, teaching that good sense makes one slow to anger, but a person with great wrath will suffer consequences, and rescuing them only perpetuates the need to do it again, emphasizing that true wisdom involves overlooking offenses and letting hot-tempered individuals face their own penalties. 

Matthew 18:15 

NLT:

Correcting another believer:

15 “If another believer  sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. 

Source of Anger: The servant’s anger stems from his own unforgiveness and lack of mercy, despite receiving immense mercy himself.

Divine Anger: The king’s anger (v. 34) is presented as a righteous response to injustice and unforgiveness, leading to severe, albeit temporary, judgment.

Warning Against Unforgiveness: The passage warns that holding onto grudges and refusing to forgive mirrors the unforgivable state of the unmerciful servant, potentially incurring God’s judgment. 

In essence, Matthew 18 teaches that unforgiveness breeds harshness, mirroring divine wrath, and true forgiveness is a core requirement for believers, linked to receiving God’s own forgiveness. 

James 1:19-21

NLT

Listening and Doing

19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. 20 Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. 21 So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.

James 1:19-21 advises believers to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger, explaining that human anger doesn’t achieve God’s righteousness, and instead calls for putting away wickedness to humbly receive God’s life-giving word, which heals and saves. This passage connects listening with avoiding anger, suggesting that listening to others and God helps overcome internal sin and spiritual growth, contrasting impulsive reactions with a teachable spirit. 

The ACT approach

Quick reminder if you’re new here: in our work, we love to use Acceptance and Commitment Therapy as our umbrella approach to practical mental health tools. You can read more about it in all the lessons in this study, or you can check out this post for a brief review of ACT therapy.

Where anger is concerned, ACT therapy helps with anger by teaching you to accept angry feelings and thoughts without letting them control your actions, rather than trying to suppress or eliminate them. That’s the acceptance part of ACT.

And then the commitment part: once you have made the space and opened up a path to clearer thinking, you can then commit to how you want to proceed. 

ACT therapy is all about recognizing that life can be challenging, but that if we can learn to accept the challenges, we can make room to then proceed with behaviors aligned with our personal values for a richer and more connected and meaningful life. 

So what are some practical ACT tools to apply to anger? 

First: use acceptance and willingness in the face of anger.

Anger is a natural human emotion. ACT suggests that we can recognize it when it comes up, acknowledge it as a normal feeling, without judging it, and let it be present without trying to suppress it or fight it. 

Next: apply mindfulness to your anger.

Once you have chosen not to judge the feeling, you have made a little room to observe it. Mindfully focus on the current moment. Perhaps notice how anger feels in your body- without getting swept away by it. And then mindfully turn your attention outside your body. Consider your surroundings. Maybe notice something you can smell, something you can see, something you can hear. Mindfully be present, and see if the grip the anger had doesn’t loosen just a bit.

Next: defuse from the anger.

We’ve talked about how cognitive fusion is about being swept up in a thought so much that you feel stuck and can’t get out. Cognitive fusion is like spiraling, or attaching to a thought in such a way that you believe it to be true (my boss hates me, I’ll never find true friends) even if it very well might not be true. 

Cognitive defusion involves learning to see thoughts as just that- thoughts. You can even consider that the thought is a story, and that story may or may not even be true.

An example may be “the democrats have ruined the economy,” or “republicans have no heart.” 

It’s easy to get stuck on loops like these for some people. But what if instead you were to say “some people think that the democrats have ruined the economy, but that may or may not even be true”?

That simple act of recognizing that a thought is just a thought is how to defuse and create distance to make room for a different, perhaps more helpful thought or perspective. 

Finally: choose a committed action that aligns with your values! 

What is so wonderful about ACT therapy is that it is action-oriented, and encourages us to be very purposeful about our actions. 

Once we’ve made some space for our anger, defused a bit from it, mindfully grounded in the present moment… we have the ability to move forward in a way that feels meaningful. 

You can ask yourself “what would someone who values (insert your important core value here) do right now?” 

ACT shifts the goal from controlling anger to changing your relationship with it, so you live a life guided by your principles, not your impulses! 

Finally, focus on the relationship

First, everyone is dealing with something. 

When anger pops up in a relationship, it can be helpful to consider what the other person may be facing, and how their own challenges, history, and hurts may be forming their response. 

Good questions to ask when faced with anger in a relationship might be:

What might their experience be?

It could be that they have a history that causes them to feel defensive or even scared. Their response may indeed be unfair or even irrational but if you can put yourself in their shoes and imagine what sorts of feelings they may be dealing with, you may discover that you are able to approach them with a bit more kindness.

How can you have compassion for the other person? 

One trick that is often helpful is to imagine the other person as a child- because the truth is, a lot of our most dysfunctional responses stem from childhood hurts.

Considering how they may have been treated as a child, and how their heart matters too, can make space to be more compassionate and open-hearted with them. 

Second, what is your ultimate goal? To be right, or to be connected? 

This is a question that can quickly shift your focus and your anger.

If you step back and ask yourself if you’d rather be right and get an apology, or you’d rather act as Jesus acted, you may find that the answer makes your next actions so clear, and simple, and even easy.

Because when it is all said and done, the Jesus way is usually the way that leads to peace. 

What does all of this bring up for you? What about this challenges you? 

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