Week Four in Renewing Our Minds

We are continuing our study on Renewing Our Minds, a combination of the amazing book Every Thought Captive by Kyle Idleman, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. This is week four in our study- addressing insecurity, comparison, and negative self-talk.

Briefly, to recap what we’ve discussed so far:

Neuroscience tells us that God made our brains malleable. Even if we hold thought patterns that don’t serve us and even hurt our mental health, we have the ability to change our thoughts.

And: our thoughts precede our emotions and our actions. So if we can change our thoughts and choose thoughts that serve us better, we can change our emotions, behaviors and habits.

Often emotional pain comes from strongholds and cognitive fusion. Strongholds are based on lies that we believe, and often rooted in past hurts. Cognitive fusion is when we get stuck in a thought loop that doesn’t serve us, and have trouble breaking free, taking that thought loop as a fact even if it often is not a fact.

Tools we can use to take our thoughts captive and renew our minds include:

• Defusing from thoughts and strongholds by taking a pause.
• Focusing on, studying, meditating on, and praying over a number of scriptures we’ve discussed.
• Being purposeful about our input- what we take in with our eyes and ears- in order to have our output- our actions and how we show up in the world- be more aligned with our values and God’s purpose for us.

This week we are going to discuss how our thoughts contribute to comparison and insecurity.

Let’s first begin with the difficult truth: comparison and insecurity often start with our phones. 

We are going to discuss our phones as distractions in our next session, so we won’t give our phones too much power this week, but we will recognize that social media has caused an overall decline in happiness in recent years, and a corresponding increase in anxiety and depression.

We aren’t going to spend too much time in the weeds of the studies that are out there- if you really want the data you can easily find it- because we all know it to be true because we experience it first hand.

Too much time taking in (our input, as discussed last week) the wrong types of social media can cause depression, anxiety, isolation, and comparison.

A note about this particular study today

While we have been basing a lot of our Renewing Our Minds study off of a combination of the amazing book Every Thought Captive, plus Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, this week’s discussion is going to go a little bit more into the psychology of comparison and insecurity, simply because they are indeed significant contributors to mental health struggles, for the reasons given above, as well as other reasons.

So we are going to take a short aside to briefly address some of the ways in which comparison can contribute to mental health struggles.

We want to do this because we want this discussion to be meaningful and impactful for our Ready to Hope outpost participants, but also a resource for them and others to refer back to.

So we are going to go ahead and spend a little bit of time on the negative impact of comparison and insecurity, with the goal being two fold:

• First, we want to help you understand why comparison can cause you to feel so lousy sometimes. 
• And second, we want to, as always, turn the discussion in a hopeful direction with resources and tools!

Some of the ways in which comparison has a negative impact on mental health:

• Comparison can lead to feelings like envy, regret, and guilt. Seeing what others possess can remind you of what you wish you had, or even could have had if you had made different decisions and choices.
• Comparison lowers self-esteem, as we are usually comparing ourselves to the “highlight reel” shared on social media, and feeling like we are coming up short.
• Comparison can cause us to become resentful and competitive, which can harm our relationships.
• Comparison can lead to dangerous behaviors by driving perfectionism, “toxic productivity,” and even eating disorders and substance abuse.

This is the challenging reality, but let’s turn to hope.

How can we stop the cycle of comparison and insecurity? 

First, know that we did a study on this a few months back! We chose to look at insecurity by focusing on the unique way that God has gifted you through the gifts of the Holy Spirit. You can check out that post here!

Scripture we can embrace to help us address our insecurities

With each of the following verses, since they are single verses, we’ve provided them in a couple different versions. 

Please spend some time reading over those different versions of that single but powerful verse, and see if you can determine where God wants your thoughts to go and what you should take away from them. 

Proverbs 29:25

Fearing people is a dangerous trap, 

but trusting the Lord means safety. NLT

Fear of man will prove to be a snare,

     but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe. NIV

The fear of human opinion disables;

    trusting in God protects you from that. The Message

Please spend some time reading over those different versions of that single but powerful verse, and see if you can determine where God wants your thoughts to go.

Insecurity can come from worrying about (fearing) what others think- and that can lead to a whole host of other issues! If you are too wrapped up in what others think, you may be more likely to make choices that compromise your values. Fearing rejection from others means that you are choosing what others think over what God thinks and what God tells you is the right choice. The verse suggests that true freedom and confidence come from finding security in God’s approval and love, rather than the shifting opinions of people. 

1 Thessalonians 2:4

For we speak as messengers approved by God to be entrusted with the Good News. Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts. NLT

On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts. NIV

Be assured that when we speak to you we’re not after crowd approval—only God approval. The Message

Here we see Paul, speaking to how the goal is to seek only God’s approval, and not worry about the approval of others. Insecurity is often rooted in what others think and this reminds us that the opinions of others should not influence how we think or behave. 

Practical tools to help us address insecurity and comparison

First, something you may not know: affirmations don’t work like some have led us to believe.

An affirmation will only help you if you truly believe it to be true.

So if you struggle to get up and work out, reciting “I am a morning workout machine” won’t really do much, because you don’t believe what you are telling yourself. 

What that teaches us: you can use affirmations and reminders (or use them in the form of prayers or meditations), as long as you believe the message you are attempting to be reminded of.

Tool: Combine the ACT therapy ideas of acceptance, present moment, and mindfulness with powerful scripture

Without God, affirmations fall flat. Without God, we are just trying to “muscle” ourselves towards our goals.

When we choose to take our thoughts captive by turning to God and meditating on His words, we can be reminded: it’s not only okay that we are weak and imperfect, our weakness is where we can allow the Holy Spirit to step in and give us the strength we need.

Tool one: Accept that social media and comparison exist. 

We’ve talked so many times about being in the world, having to live in the world, and how we are challenged to put our energy towards Kingdom things over worldly things. 

But there is an important consideration here: unless we want to go live on a hill completely solo, or in a monastery, the world will continue to be where we live and work and make our lives. 

So, we can use the tool of Acceptance from ACT therapy.

Acceptance is all about recognizing that life will always present us with challenges. 

So in this case, we could embrace that social media is here, and likely not going anywhere anytime soon. 

We could then accept that we need God to give us the strength to focus our energy where we want it to be.

Tool two: use acceptance to bring yourself into the present moment. 

So much of comparison and insecurity is about what has happened or what we think may happen (or may not happen).

We may not ever have the partner or the job. We may never get out of the job we hate. We may never have the hair or clothes or car that someone in our feed has.

When we take a moment to apply acceptance- our life is what it is, right now- we can then drop into the present moment. 

This is more powerful than you might think! Simply calling a feeling what it is can take some of the power out of that feeling.

Recognize what is happening. Take a pause and name it- you are feeling insecure, you are comparing. And then, move on to mindfulness.

Tool three: mindfully turn your focus back to God. 

Accept the reality you are in. Drop into that moment. Recognize the challenge and the feeling. 

And from that state of present-moment awareness, you have power. 

By moving from that feeling of busy-minded, maybe even chaotic, comparison, into a feeling of naming that feeling and accepting the challenge inherent in social media, you make space.

And in that space, you can turn back to your source. Turn back to truth.

The truth: your power comes from God, and you are made perfect in your weakness. 

Isn’t that wonderful? In this hard, hard world of comparison and challenge, you have a perfect source of strength and peace, at the ready at all times!

And so much beautiful scripture to help you remember and stay focused on this truth…

Philippians 4:13 

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. NLT

All things. Everything. Christ is there for you to provide.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10 That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. NLT

Paul was speaking about a thorn in his side, and that he wanted the Lord to take it from him, but instead, God said essentially: the thorn will remain, and your choice is to be weak and lean on me. 

Romans 8:26

And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. NLT 

The Holy Spirit is always aligned with God’s will, right? So when we are weak, that’s not only okay but that is the time when the Spirit intercedes on our behalf!

So when you struggle, you can accept the struggle, name it in the present moment, and then mindfully meditate on any of these verses that speak to you! 

Our goals for the week are actually quite simple, if not easy.

First: acknowledge the challenge. 

Taking every thought captive and renewing our minds will always be hard while we live in this world of social media, media, and the natural tendency to compare.

Next: accept the challenge, and come into the present moment.

Using your ACT therapy tools, drop into the present moment by recognizing: the challenge of comparison and insecurity is real. It is not going anywhere, but by calling it what it is instead of allowing yourself to become wrapped up in it (or cognitively fuse with it), you take back the power that it holds in your life.

Finally: give the power back to God and let the Spirit do what it does best.

No flowery religious-speak here. God has the power, God knows best, and God’s helper the Holy Spirit can guide your next thought if you choose to tap in. 

Mindfully reconnect with your source and be reminded that you are enough, simply and completely, because you are a child of God!

If you have read all the way to here and you aren’t a part of our outpost but would like to be, please know we want to hear from you! Email us here or connect with us via the Mercy Road Church Center app and we’ll get back to you just as soon as we can! We want to hear your story and make sure you feel equipped and connected!