How to Step Away from Unhealthy Friendships
If you’ve existed as a young person long enough, you’ve probably experienced a friend breakup. They can be just as painful as romantic breakups, and unfortunately sometimes paired with even more drama.
Sometimes you’re the one getting left behind, and while that hurts, it’s important to remember that you will heal, and are always better off finding those people who will love you for you!
But what about when you need to walk away? Depending on how the friend or friends handle it, it can be difficult waters to navigate- and sometimes even downright hostile.
First, what are some of the reasons you might need to move away from a friendship or a friend group?
Excessive drama
For many of you, when you read “excessive drama” there’s an experience or individual that pops to mind- and I am sorry for you for that!
But to refresh- or for those lucky enough to not have an idea of what that means, let’s discuss.
They get mad at you easily or a lot. You seem to be constantly riding the roller coaster of their annoyance or anger, often not even sure what you’ve done to warrant it.
They have different expectations from you than they are willing to give to you. They want you to be available to them in a particular way, and yet rarely or never offer you that same level of caring.
They are using you or taking advantage of you
This can look like expecting you to always drive or give them rides because they don’t drive.
It might mean they expect you to pay for things or conveniently don’t have any money and ask you to pay and promise they will pay you back… but never do.
They might be using you to have access to other people. Maybe you have a cute older brother, or are friends with people they want to be friends with, or they think that you can help them get on a team or get a job.
They might take advantage of your brain. They might borrow your homework, ask you to help them study, or even ask you to help them cheat.
Peer pressure
They may be comfortable doing things you aren’t doing, including dangerous behaviors, or they aren’t, but they want you to join them so they feel stronger and more willing to take chances.
Not respecting boundaries
When you try to say no, whether it’s pressure or taking advantage of you, they continue to push you to do things or make choices you know you don’t want to do and you’ve been clear about not wanting to do.
Excluding you
You thought you were friends, but you see those ‘friends’ on social media over and over again, doing things without you. Even worse? They told you they weren’t doing anything that night!
Now the hard part: how to leave an unhealthy friend or friend group.
Ideally you can fade away.
Ideally they are okay with letting you go, and you can quietly start spending time with other people, or enjoying your quiet, drama-free solo time for a bit.
But unfortunately, sometimes they are insecure, catty, or just plain mean about your desire to go elsewhere.
So sometimes you have to gently confront the truth.
If you want to part ways, but they don’t seem to want to, you may have to speak your truth, no matter how hard it might be.
A tip for doing so: make it about you and your experience.
Rather than telling them all the reasons you don’t want to be their friend, or all the reasons you think they aren’t a great person, try “I statements” that address your feelings and thoughts.
Examples might be:
“I feel stressed when you get angry over things that I didn’t even know I was doing wrong.”
“I am worried about my grades because of all the time I am spending driving you.”
“I need to step away to (focus on my grades, get a part time job, spend more time with my family..)”
Hopefully they understand and are willing to let you go.
But sometimes they will be mean.
And sometimes it can get really ugly. If they truly struggle with emotional maturity and insecurity, they may even try to get others to be mean to you as well.
What to do when they are mean about it:
Stay connected to those who do love you for you and support you.
Remember why you are separating. Although they’re making it easy by being jerks, let that be the fuel that helps you remember why you’re making the right decision; don’t let it be a reason to let them pull you back in.
Consider staying off social media for a bit. If there is drama there about you or the breakup, you being quiet can be the way that you “rise above.”
Once you’ve made the break, whether painfully or easily:
Know that it will take time to find your new normal.
In the meantime, be kind to yourself!
Pamper yourself in whatever ways you can.
Do the things you love, even if you are by yourself
And remember:
It will always be better to spend a handful of weekend nights solo than to be with people that don’t love you for you, or that even harm you and your mental health.
You are worthy, and deserving of love and true friendship!
Keep showing up for yourself, and keep showing up as yourself, and you will find your people.
Do your best to put your head on the pillow each night, knowing you are living the way you want to live, and treating others the way you want to be treated.
That’s called living authentically- and it will always be infinitely more satisfying than sticking out relationships that hurt your heart and your mental wellness.
And a reminder: our workshops are all about building true connections, creating a judgment-free environment, and learning who you are and who you want to be. We designed them in the hopes that you can make new friends at a workshop, or bring a friend and create a deeper connection.
Find out more about workshops by signing up for emails below!
Or follow us on Instagram- or even come to one of our club activities sometime! We’d love to connect with you!
